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Jul. 29th, 2006 | 05:53 am

i havent updated in a bit.

working at solectron and hating it

still going to shows... taking pics for a LOT of bands.

Got asked to go on tour with don vito... yeah... the bam margera dude... but turned it down.

My best friends have changed... I've got some really awesome close friends... that I love a lot. BUt ill never tell them that.

And... of course, boys... <3 I like them a lot.

(no subject)

May. 27th, 2006 | 04:37 pm
mood: flirty flirty

I'm pretty much at a loss for words.

You know how you can pass over some of the best things/best people and somehow they come back and you connect. Ok... so it sounds lame like that... but you over look them.

Well, that happened to me. Last night, this guy definitely came back into my life... we never dated, we barely even talked. But hes amazing. We connect, and hes so much like me.

Whether or not we date, I dont really care... all i know is that hes definitely a friend I dont want to let go of again.

Also, anvil grey had their best show last night... with one of the smallest crowds. Its dissapointing... but i know they are new and will be rockin out soon.

So im like... the manager.promoter.merch girl now. OH... and beer bitch. but not for tyler. he drinks too much.

I love those boys.
matt likes my bossom. haha

anyway... update.
Im working at solectron auditing phones. It sucks, but its a job.
I do all that shit for anvil grey and when they dont have a show, im still hanging out with subrosa.


Yeah. subrosa is going to hollywood to play for record people :)

And... I love you all.


and... im out.

Oh. heres a pic of that guy i was tellin you about :)
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

(no subject)

May. 9th, 2006 | 04:50 am

All I have to update about...

Last night, I was backstage for my favorite band, hawthorne heights. I LOVE being who I am and knowing who i know. Because it rocked my face off. I might upload some pics, but probably not. Itll probably be another few months before i update again lol

heres a couple pics <3

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

OH... and www.myspace.com/anvilgrey

everyone go add them... im doing a lot of shit for them... and ill be offended if you dont add them

(no subject)

Apr. 19th, 2006 | 01:39 pm
mood: full full

Heres a small update.

I haven't dated in a month, no one has noticed.

What I've been up to.
I quit ups. I'm jobless. Looking for a job but not too worried about it. I got money in the bank. haha

Umm. Fuck buddies are NOT overrated. Expecially if theres mad attraction for said person.

Been hanging out with this band... GREAT guys... guys I've known forever. and now forming a band. I love going to their practices cuz you can see them improving. Check them out at www.lwga.org/anvilgrey/anvilgrey.htm

Subrosa still rocks my socks off.

I'm still single.

Not attatched to any white trash musicians that have girlfriends. (thanks to a good friend hitting me in the face with it)

Fell down the stairs last night. Kinda sucks. I cant bend my knee... cant straighten it either.

Still hot. still awesome.

Still amazingly annoyed by people... but i hide it well.

Upcoming shows

bullog- false and incursion (other bands i dunno and dont really care haha)
after that- caldera and SURVIVING THALIA :)

Saturday- walkin around thunder passin out fliers for the oscars show afterward
oscars- 7 day sun, msd, arcane saint, institution, in the clear, inner blue

(no subject)

Mar. 31st, 2006 | 11:05 am

I miss Joe.
It's been months since I've seen him.
And I still remember a very serene day out on the patio of Highland coffee. Raining fairly well. I smiled and we talked like it was the most gorgeous day ever created. He has this calm about him. He's a very insightful, caring man.
And although I gave him shit about him going into the army... I just wanted to keep him here for days like this.
A love for this city that goes unmatched. Which has undoubtedly increased since his absence. And I suppose its just all the conversations since thats has me thinking of him so much, but lately, its just piled on. I miss him like crazy.
And no, we didn't date. We just had this AMAZING friendship. he has a very very beautiful soul... and I wish I could return the love and insight hes given me.

Joe, I love you so much... and I miss you. I know it will be a while before you get home... but when you do, we're tearing up bardstown road and the waterfront. Its not the same, its all so empty.

(no subject)

Mar. 27th, 2006 | 02:12 am

Friday,Got a new job... went to ups, got my check and put in my 2 weeks

Went to U of L for a free show... and got to hang out with this dude I've known FOREVER named Mike. I met him YEARS ago, and havent seen much of him since. Hes a cool dude. Glad I got to see him again.

Then, a couple friends called and told me to come to Phoenix hill. Saw Jason and got to talk to him, argue a little. Made me cry. Why can't things just be cool with us all the time?? :( I dunno... I wish things were different. I wish I knew what he thought sometimes. I wish I wasnt so emo. haha

But it was good to see him and talk to him. Him and Stem got on stage with some cover band and played a little. Totally cool to see most of false and Stem out.

Also saw Richard and Chris. Went home kinda early cuz it kinda sucked. None of my girls were out.

Saturday, Went to see Disco and escaping memory. they started late so i didnt even get to see antikythera... but it was still alright. Not too many people.

Then went to Oscars for In the clear, institution and subrosa. Yeah, this show rocked my face off. It was good to see most of the subrosa kids again. I did miss Tiffany though. I love those guys for real.

I also got to hang out with my institution boys. They did a slide show and did a major shoutout to me... so that rocked. And Chris from Escaping memory ended up using my pics and saying thanks on that page. and halfway hollow's nick started a mojo group and linked me on there and said thanks. So that rocks too. haha

But yeah... i stuck around oscars late last night. Lauren was really messed up so I watched over her for a few. Jake was really messed up too... So I worried about him... cuz hes my little ghetto boy.

anyway... its been a good weekend.

This coming weekend.

Friday: Uncle pleasants... Surviving thalia, Decention, Arcane Saint and Antikythera. Starts at 9

Saturday: Subrosa cd release show... arcane saint, subrosa(now with Blake Rivera), wake the day, and midvember... 1more i think

Sunday: Escaping Memory, Lotticks corner, red box now, ashes Eve (now with Danny Carlton) and some more haha

So come out, buy me a drink and stuff.

(no subject)

Mar. 21st, 2006 | 12:41 am
mood: loved loved
music: new hawthorne heights.

I had a really fuckin good weekend. I enjoyed it a LOT.

Friday, went to see caldera and antikythera at headliners. It was cool.

Then Saturday, me and Emily went to phoenix hill to drink and see e flat. But she went out to eat with her family and we completely missed them. But we hung out, Hung out with my Chris, Richard, Chris, Jack, Mandi, Ronnie, Sarah, and a bunch of others.

I'm totally falling for Chris. He's so amazing.
We hung out all night on saturday... and when he got home, we talked for 3 hours. We talk all the time... and we're planning on spending most of this week together.

Sunday, Intent to kill, a Present day nightmare and ten year winter at bulldogs. It was so fun. I've missed Jon so much. And I can tell by the way he talked to me and hugged me, hes missed me too. Sean stopped me and told me he used one of my pictures.

So check this shit out. www.bandlink.com you will see "sean boyle" hes the bassist in apdn... and the pic he has on there I took. Not the best that i have of him, but whatever. Just pretty cool that MY PICTURE is ONLINE for everyone to see.

This coming weekend. Me and Chris are going to Five Bolt Main, Inner Blue and Nail Gun Strategy at bulldogs friday.

Saturday, me and Chris are going to see arafel, disco, escaping memory and antikythera at bulldogs... then going to see institution, 7 day sun and subrosa at oscars.

I'm gonna have an amazing weekend.

And tonight, after Chris gets off work, he's coming to hang out and cuddle (which just means hes gonna fall asleep while i lay there and hold him. haha)

Thats it. Love me <3

(no subject)

Mar. 8th, 2006 | 08:40 am

Your Values Profile


You value loyalty highly.
You're completely devoted to your friends and family.
Even if they totally screw up, you're still there for them.
Just make sure they're equally loyal to you!


You value honesty a fair amount.
You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it.
If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it.
In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity."


You value generosity a fair amount.
You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take.
Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need.
But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"!


You value humility highly.
You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are.
And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better.
You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low.


You value tolerance highly.
Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you...
You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends.
You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

Your Birthdate: February 12

You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame.
You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them.
Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing.
You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship.

Your strength: Your charm

Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics

Your power color: Indigo

Your power symbol: Four leaf clover

Your power month: December


Mar. 6th, 2006 | 05:54 am
mood: thoughtful thoughtful

I've been reading journal entries of my past, of my friends and talking to a friend of mine about love and relationships tonight. It kinda made me start thinking.

Love is tricky. In my case, I still love said boy. He still loves me. and its the most outrageous weird relationship ive ever been in. Some days I fuckin hate his guts for not being with me. And I want to tell him (and have told him) that if he loved me, he would be with me. Then, on some days, or whenever i express myself to him, he tells me things will work out, we get in an intense conversation and I realize ive never loved this much in my life.

IF you are in a relationship, you tend to go with feelings instead of thinking with your heart. When I was with zach, he was bad for me. Jay, was bad for me. Aaron, bad for me. Justin Malachi, great for me... but i threw all that away for my own selfish pride. I wanted it all, and I broke hearts for it. If i would have it to do again, I would.

In relationships, you take advantages of simple pleasures. Those little kisses, the smiles, the cuddling, and well, the sex. Not to mention, having someone there for you at all fuckin times. THAT is something that friends dont give you.

I've got a bunch of friends. Im friendly, I dont dislike anyone (well, theres that supervisor at work, but shes a bitch anyway). And I needed a TRUE fuckin friend and NO ONE could pull through for me.

I got drugged at the bar on friday. Theres about a 6 hour period I dont remember. I do remember waking up in my car.... freezing cold... not knowing how I got there. I DID have outgoing text messages trying to get ahold of people to come pick me up, or give me a place to stay.

I didnt drink too much. I was sober and completely confident that I could have made it home. I remember dancing with my ex and his new girlfriend, talking to some guy and him bringing me back a drink. THE ONLY DRINK ALL NIGHT that i didnt go to the bar and get with the person. And that was where i went wrong. the next thing i know... its 7 am and im waking up in my car.

I called people i knew werent at work. I called people i knew that lived around there. I fuckin called mosh pit pete. And you KNOW im fuckin desperate if i call to have him come get me.

It kinda makes me sick that the people i called and texted couldnt pull through for me. The people I was there with had to leave at 330. I dont remember them leaving. I asked what happened to them. Turns out, they had to leave and I cussed one of my best friends out hardcore. Saying I hated him, that i hope he goes to hell and that we werent friends anymore.


I'm a smart girl. Independant. Confident. And I have ccommon sence. But the one time I fuck up is a time where I cant control my bodily functions?

When I woke up at 7, I couldnt feel anything in my body. I was numb, painless. I was probably one of the greatest highs anyone could EVER fuckin ask for. And I dont do drugs... never touched ANY... so you know I wasnt asking for it.

Ok.... thats enough about my weekend.
I know I dont update enough. So you probably wanna know what the fuck ive been doing with my time.

well, I've still been working at UPS. I NEED ANOTHER FUCKIN JOB. I've had 2 good leads on better jobs. Bellsouth and Cub bank. But im still not hired. GRR

I did have a job at a ice cream store. But I decided not to take it for a few reasons. 1- id have to deal with people, and people are generally stupid. 2- Id have to take out my lip ring.

I'm still doing photos for bands. False and subrosa mainly. Arafel is fuckin amazing. Intent to Kill is amazing. Prey for maria is amazing. Arcane saint, red hand release, caldera, halfway hollow, institution.

Gosh... I miss a simpler life. I miss Simplicity itself. I hate love, and all the feelings and confusion that goes along with it. I love boys, I love flirting, I love love... but DAMN IT do boys have to play with your emotions.

This boy and I are hanging out soon... like this week. And I know he wont read this. But he BETTER fuckin believe that we will be talking. And i'll be spilling out my heart again.

Ok... I said enough of that already.

I've been talking to an old friend of mine. I think we may go get tattooed together.

I'm going to get a decayed heart... with a possible IV running to it, marked with "time/love/or wait"
and around it... its gonna say "you can't help who you love, you aren't supposed to" or just "you cant help who you love"

Any ideas on the tattoo... help me out <3

Anyway... this is long. I'm boring.

Leave me comments.

(no subject)

Feb. 11th, 2006 | 05:44 am

So me and this man that I loved talked for an hour. A very intense, emotional conversation. I love him so much, and he loves me. and we are talking like... LOVE. maybe not true love. Maybe not real love. But definitely love. i was feeling kind of down on myself when i got in, but then he gave me the whole IN YOUR FACE, talking about how much I do, and how great I am. He appreciates me, and so does his band. More so than nearly any other band. except subrossa.

I really dont know what is to come of this. But I do know that more than anything, I do care about him and he is amazing.


tonight was day 1 of my 21st bday weekend. had a few beers. definitely got to see some old friend (K to the C jean juday!) and a bunch of awesome people. Lots of good bands. I actually dont know what the fuck was up... but i feel like the bands were more affectionate toward me today. Ashes eve... their singer totally fuckin cried in front of me, mid conversation... second conversation weve ever had.

Subrosa, their singer as well, definitely talked more, and gave me more hugs haha. OOH... and jordan and I talked for a while

Intent to Kill... these guys were definitely closer than ever. God... i love that little fucker brett. hes such a douche <3

and from within. Omg dude. Josh and I talked, hugged, cried. It was so intense, so emotional. I love that boy so much. And it kills me knowing that hes moving. Just knowing that I may not ever see him again. Knowing that I cant expect to see his smiling face, his caring heart and his amazing voice to sooth me when i greet him all the time. :( He is amazing... and as much as I wish he would stay here, as much as I wish i could fuckin lock him up in my basement and keephim forever... I DO wish him the best, I DO know he will go far and I do hope he achieves every goal he is setting out to accomplish. ::end emo moment:: simply put. I love him, I'm gonna miss him.

And institution. These guys are great. <3333 Every fuckin time.